Wednesday, February 24, 2010

In Between

Wind blowing through my hair
Earth damp beneath me
Grass tickling my toes
Sounds of leaves crumbling under me
The random creeper swishing past my ear
Walking through the troupe of dancing leaves
Telling me you're about to enter
Entire nature colluding
To send me the message
of the arrival of your affection.

Stomach in knots
Butterflies flapping wildly inside
breathing becomes difficult
tongue becomes too thick
fingers tremble and knees shiver
Eyes stare at a spot on the wall
hair straightens and shines
throat dries, thirsting it is.
brain stops rivetting
from image to image.
My body colludes now
Sending signals of
what he does to me.

And my heart.
is torn. Stretched to the limit.
And still has enough to bear it.
What to do, say or think?
What it feels is too convoluted
for the mind to comprehend.

The id, ego, superego
entangled so into one another
cant tell one from the other.
They cant sort this mess out.
Cant pull me from this bout
Complexity, confusion and chaos.

Deep down inside
I know what i want
Too scared to tell you.
Or him.
Fearing I'll lose both.
Heaving sighs all day
Aint getting me nowhere.
All becoming too much to bear.
wanting to run away somewhere.

Got everything to lose.
Everything to gain.
Ever been in such a spot?
Stuck between a hard place and a rock?

Pushing myself, towards
the path of bitter truth
that entails facing both head on.

Now my heart pounds
Sighs escape my mouth.
Eyes get stuck on a spot.
All the while thinking
Of what pain I cause.
What joy I am about to pause.
And slowly,
Another sigh escapes me.
Maybe it'll reach his ears.
And I'll know.
Or maybe, it too is stuck.
In Between.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happy 27th Anniversary

Our actions disliked not us
Repeatedly hath thee told us.
Hope this act is liked by you.

On this day, another glorious year has passed.
of love, affection, understanding and respect.
of fun, joy, surprises and laughter.
of separation, longing, cherishing and realising,
how much she means to me.
how he is my all.
of prayer, spirituality and inner peace.
of transcendence, renunciation and happiness.

Here's wishing you many many more years
of togetherness, love and utmost joy!

Here it is.

A huge breath of air i take in
Every time I think of what you mean to me.
You've been the guiding light
the path finder in this chaos of life.
Find a direction in our aimless banter.
Though you'd like to give us credit,
we are what we are today
all because of you.
Your love and guidance.
Your patience and tolerance.
Your understanding and generosity.
Your wisdom and maturity.
Your ability to keep the spark alive.
In you and Us.
Your immensely huge heart.

How you morph, change and give space.
Just to help us, know us and love us more.
A rarity in today's era,
You are the epitome of the most unique
Deepest unconditional understanding love.
Giving us everything we need and want.
To grow, explore, learn and have fun.
Our happiness being your satisfaction,
you allow passions and dreams
to be followed to the end.
Assuring that you'll be there for us.
All the way.

On this day, know that
we're going to follow through
For you.
All the way.
To give the love you deserve and more.

Your voices. Your kisses. Your embrace.
Will remain with us.
No matter where we are.
Eternal you'll remain
Immortal in our hearts.
As we live your way
and pass you on to the world
and make it more beautiful
Because of you.
And only you.

You are the best. Ever. Forever.

We love you Appa and Amma.

Divya, Gopi, Amrita, Sriram.

(For 26/1/2010)

A journey during a journey...

An old man. Completely white and disheveled hair that has clearly not been combed for days and months. Tattered white clothes. A voice that is almost non-existent as he goes from one compartment to another begging his way through life, for a few more days.

A white jute bag hanging from his hand which is so stiff it almost looks like a bag stand. The right hand, his active one, seems well on its way to join its counterpart. Currently, it can manage a shiver and a quiver as he begs for alms from us miserly snobs in the train. Oh! and he can bless us with it too. Bless us, even us, who haven't given him anything and are just ignoring him except for those furtive guilty glances at him through the corners of our eyes before we shoo him away when we are about to begin succumbing to our conscience.

How is it that these people who have nothing whatsoever seem to have this immense life-long faith in these so called gods who seem to give them nothing but misery, poverty, hunger and for this man a few more days of suffering and humiliation in pittance? Do they not realize that these "gods" were created so they can remain at the bottom of the pyramid? Are they so starved and blinded and hypnotized and desperate that they cannot realize that religion is the biggest lie ever told to them? Can they not see that if they stop being so fatalistic, they can bring better times upon themselves? Or am i completely disillusioned and know nothing about what they are going through as i am talking from the lap of luxury and comfort? i always have half a mind to give it all up and join these people, live with them and tell them that god didn't create man in his own image but man created god in his own image so he can have somewhere to turn to and blame when he cannot understand everything around him. It is a convenient thing, this religion. And then it is an instrument of power to use and abuse such huge masses of people and blind them from reality.

We are a cruel and obnoxious race of people. Sometimes, i feel ashamed to belong to this race of people who consider themselves so superior that they inflict the most horrible of pain on the flora and fauna with whom they share this beautiful earth, which is our one and only home. So blind are we in this quest for power to reign over very nature itself that we are destroying everything we depend on. So high are we in our minds, such a disgusting drunken state, that we are not heeding the caveats that we receive every single year, season, month, day, hour, minute, second...

And we are headed towards our own destruction.

It scares me how we just don't seem to care. At all. very conveniently waiting for someone else to come along and clean up the mess. Playing the blame game always.

i mean we pride ourselves in being the only species with the ability to think and analyze. Why are we not using it and doing it in this 11th hour? We are like sitting ducks! (At least they are paddling beneath the surface!). We aren't going to move till we are hit and by then i really fear it might be too late...

i love this earth and i have met some of the most amazing people who give me hope that all is not lost. i know that we are all capable of love. Like Gorky says, no man is too mean to love. i think we just have to lift the veil set upon us and sometimes we ourselves set to remain in our comfort zones.

Wake up people. Wake up. . . .


A pinch.
That's what we need
To have things curtailed.
to feel the pain.
of having less.
To realize how much
we took things for granted.
How much we have to lose
if we don't live life
in simple moderation.

A pinch.
That's what we need.
A very tight one.
Till we feel the pressure
we don't seem to get moving.
A tight spot.
where it's hard to move.
We have to think twice
before you do anything.
Any of those things
we do so thoughtlessly today.
Without a care for the consequences.

A pinch.
What we don't want.
A very tight one.
Is going to begin.
Now. Very soon.
It is going to have
a very tight grasp
on our lives.
Watch it!
Be careful.
Or else
It will be
too very late
to save that which
we treasure the most.

Your Doing

Eyes darting
Ears alert
jumping with joy
heart in my mouth
stomach's a knot
how much more convoluted can i get?

Happy. Angry.
Tense. Joyous.
Nervous. Crazy.
Terse. screaming.
Lame. Laughing.
Giggling. Cussing.

Never so quickly
have moods swung within.
and it's all your doing.
What did history know
of Torture?
they should have
learnt from you.

Ask my heart
which is racing
Ask my mind
which is pacing

My body too.
Knees are jell-o
Hands shivering
fingers are cold.
feet heavy as stone.
Mouth dry as a desert.

What to do?
where to go?
Released yet captured.
Just waiting for a word or two.

The Wait.
Oh! unbearable time!
An hour or two
seem never to pass

And it's all your doing.
Undo this.
Do something.
Say something.
feel something.

And soon.

The Best Teacher

There is an entire dry patch of land with puddles of yesterday's showdown of water (possibly Mother Earth crying in pain from our relentless killing and exploitation).

Today's a drizzly day. It's like those heart wrenching moments. One moment tears are gushing out as if the sluice gates in our tear glands have been let open. Then as they tire and empty, it slows down to a trickle. Or a drizzle.

The drizzle falls on the dry land. And the puddles as well. The effect is seen first only on the puddles in the form of visible ripples that spread across its lenghth and breadth. Each drop of rain leaves an effect on the puddle. Alone they don't seem to be doing much but together they create a beautiful scene as if stars are winking. And slowly they add up and the ripples reach out, connect, mingle and spread.

More importantly, the effect of the steady gentle drizzle is soon enough seen on the parched patches as they too turn from arid and thirsty-looking to moist and alive. Some even have puddles taking birth in the same area. And giving off an intoxicating scent that wafts through the air rejuvenating life. This from the driest most lifeless parts.

Is not Nature the best teacher of life's important lessons as she silently, turning your environs into a classroom?

As I wonder, the drizzle slowly gains momentum and quenches the thirst of many more.. 

Saturday, February 06, 2010

You - II

You are a spark. Spur-of-the-moment moments.

Lightning speed thoughts. So powerful.

A burst of creativity you are.

Made up of juices of colours, thoughts, analogies, metaphors, synonyms and antonyms, spilling over and flooding my mind.

Awaiting some direction that i might give you. But what compass can i set for you when u show me a path in this pathless land that be my mind and heart. You lay down roads amidst the uncontrollable, unfathomable whirlpools and hurricanes that erupt within with such power and force, only you are capable of conquering them.

You disturb me. You give me peace in the uneasiness that you set upon me. How strange thou art. You and your ways are as unfathomable as your creator, preserver and destroyer. You have a life of your own and yet are so under control of some puppeteer's strings. Once unleashed, you yourself could create, preserve and destroy. How powerful you are, you know not. You will take up a life of your own.

I worship thee at times and yet at other times, you repel. Maybe I don't want to see my ugly reflections in you. You are so beautiful, passionate, chaotic, free, high. Everything unlike me that endears me, that I want to be. Take control of me. I will gladly let ye possess me. I know I can only go higher with thee.

Higher, higher... above all this...This petty world... too small for you and me. Take me away. Far away. I will rejoice in our isolation. I wonder at your unfathomable wondrousness. But you don't seem to see me. You see me but don't; when I know you are the only one who can. I am awaiting your arrival. Waiting to find myself, through You. And Me. Together.

Come away. We'll break free from this superfluity and regale in one another's necessity.