The Theory of Disempowerment

He is oblivious of the entire world, he is so into her. That is because he is in her. He’s been there since a few months and has a few more to go. But he is the king. Nay, he is god. He thinks and everything around adjusts to suit him. He feels cold. The mother’s body temperature increases to warm him. If he is hungry, food rushes through that tube straight to his mouth. He needn’t lift a finger! This is god state.

A few months later, he is welcomed to the world with great pomp and joy. But it seems not so simple anymore to get his simple needs fulfilled. He has to cry and coo to make his wants known. A little less godly now aren’t you?

A few more years later, even the cooing and crying isn’t understood. He requires picking up the words and sentences being spoken around him by others so he can know how to tell them what it is that he desires. Even less divine now.

And so on, life goes. He begins to negotiate with all those around him in order to get his things done. 

This means the power is no longer within his hands but is dependent on others. Becoming more and more ordinary, less and less divine as each day, week, month and year proceeds, he learns Co-operate & compromise.

This is the theory of disempowerment.

This is the story of us all.

We grow to accept the ordinary self, not realising that we are within. Superior to everything. With the power to create. We need only visualise. We are so scared to even visualise a reality different from what we see around us each day.

We can create another life. How powerful are we then? Why need we hesitate? Only realise that inside is where we are and proceed with the confidence of divinity that will come from building your inner confidence and courage.

 Being brave and seeing a future like none other. If need be, for another.

This is the reversing of the disempowerment.

There will always be pulls and tugs and powerful ones at that, to bring us back to the ordinary, disempowered state. Because it makes others uneasy to see another excel and overcome the ordinary state they are wallowing in. This is the same reason why many a time we don’t reveal our knowledge as it makes others uncomfortable. Everybody is out to just make everybody else remain where they are, in the same old rut!

We are beyond that! We are power. We are supremo! We are divine. All within. Realise it. . Harness it. Be not afraid.

We can reverse the long process of disempowerment, if we just awaken our inner eye to our self.

 Now.




(Dedicated to Rajendra Jani, my boss for introducing this to me!)

Eye of the Tornado

Tears thrashing down like waterfalls/ unknown is the reason/ and so ending there is none/ fear of self awakens/ fear of the consequences of the self awakening/ fear of the unknown/ fear of sitting still and knowing the enigma that is the self/ fear of the self alone/ discomfort with the mundane/ pushing towards the esoteric/ repulsion oozing out/for the self/for the other within the self/for the wants/for the desires/for the feeling/for the existence/for the monotony/for the expectation/then/a crack/right across the centre/the last straw/Reeling under the pressure/of keeping it all together/to seem normal/to conform to the non-conformity/to stay stable/to stay unaware of the extreme awareness/ of the excruciating feeling & emotion/in order to remain sane/to find the sanity in the insanity/to continue without knowing why and yet knowing/to visualise and realise what is at the depths/to be satisfied and content/to develop and find the simplicity amidst the complexity/oh profound simplicity/you are but a chimera/

The Tornado explained.

I enter the bathroom. I see the tap. For the Nth time.Water trickling away.I turn it off. For the Nth time.  Every single time i enter and leave this noxious place. The speed of the trickle isn't enough to even move away the strands of hair that lie around, the black standing out starkly against the white. But the speed is enough to set off a train of nervous thoughts in my head. The scale of the situation across the world opens up in my head like an excel spreadsheet that i am so tired of seeing in the techno-crazy classes. How in a million places across this globe that is our home, people are dying of thirst. Those images of people surviving on water that has been drawn and filtered from the gutters around them. How they are denied water on the grounds of something as illogical as caste and occupation by another group of people who seem to think they rule their world (which is so minuscule, their well.)

Children. Younger, livelier, healthier. Better off than millions. Privileged. Educated. And yet, what do i see? they are throwing covers and wrappers strewn across a beautiful campus that is supposed to be one of the temples of knowledge. That is supposed to be shaping the future minds that will direct our country in a better direction. If they are like this. what education are we giving. And what I am seeing is a minute fraction of this kind of population. And then images of the millions of schools across the world pop up in my head where the kind of factory schooling is taking place where children are being brainwashed so badly they will never be able to unlearn the silent atrocities. How they are inducted into the Culture of Silence. For life. How it will take an eternity for them to realise it and try and come out of the conditioning  and how millions will not. They will just float on in life thinking it is the way and the only way at that. Not realising how much damage has been done to them and how much more damage they will do, all unknowingly.

Bang! Whoosh! Zoop! Firecrackers. It's festival time all around. Beautiful rockets bursting into a riot of colors across the black sky lighting up the faces of many. Many just stop, watch and enjoy the beauty of the rockets - some zipping through the night sky and some sprinkling down in purple red and yellow. I see neither colors nor beauty this time. I see the smoke rising up through the air and adding onto the global warming. Increasing carbon dioxide levels. increasing heat. increasing melting of glaciers. More floods. More tornadoes. more droughts. tsunamis. Earthquakes. The scale of it not allowing enjoyment or appreciation. Just smoke billowing into the atmosphere. And a vision of this planet going up in smoke as well in the near future. time running out and at crazy speeds that maybe impossible to catch up with if we are to save the day,  our life, our planet, our home.

Persons on the street. Small children narrowly escaping death as they move away empty-handed after begging from the vehicles when the signal changes at the crossroads. Some see a huge nexus and mafia behind these children. I see the innocence lost and the childhood ripped apart. I see a wish developing in me to take care of them. People dying of hunger and diseases so very preventable in today's age of advanced technology. People in remote areas never even heard of, living a life from another era of sparse and less, unaware of the single or two digit "growth and development" taking place elsewhere that is also supposed to reach them. People in power using, rather abusing, this situation and completely raping the iota of trust that people still have in them to get them out of this quicksand called life they lead. People unaware continuing to lead lives they have without moving up the need hierarchy! People who become aware being put down by the criminals.

Wake up each morning. Go to work. See so many more things that tug at my heart & soul that i ignore and push away some where so deep that some days it erupts from those depths with such a force that it leaves me thoroughly drained for a long time to come.

I open the newspaper at work. Murders. cold-blooded ones. motives? for shedding light on reality of the so-called visionaries and leaders and administrators of the nation. for going beyond themselves and thinking of something higher. for interfering in matters that are none of his business it seems! Anger. Sadness. Boiling and simmering. Thoughts racing in my head to abandon everything and go out and fight. but practicality and 'sense' return. Patience they tell me. Is it seriously needed or is it just another excuse to postpone?

And then i see and hear people claiming to be educated leading a life so selfish and so self-involved and blissfully ignorant of life at its zenith, of the deeper meaning of waves around them ( not that i am completely aware) that they just refuse to see another's side to the story. Leading me to wonder, how many sides to each story there are? which one am I believing? Am i being judgemental? When am i going to reach the end of this seemingly bottomless pit? Am i doing whatever I am doing just for myself? to hush my guilt pangs? Why do I do what i do and feel so strongly?

And how we, who have everything, seem to be throwing it away and wasting every minute mongering over the most materialistic mundane items when we should be trying to help others achieve at least a fraction of what we have gotten out of life's circumstances. So they can also enjoy some comfort and joy.

You may ask why one should. We haven't taken on the responsibility of the entire world. Thankfully you haven't or else this world would be in worse shambles. This human life is so ephemeral and so short. And when i look at myself (and the millions around me) i find that so many of us, including cowardly me, seem to be using our time effectively on nothing productive. We all seem to be constantly wondering on how we can take the most out of this place before becoming the manure for the cattle. And not on how we can give back what we have got which we take completely for granted. And it is not just a matter of giving back but about a basic concern for another life. And as someone rightly once said, if we cannot give life, what right do we have to take life?

it takes everything to remain positive and keep thinking every single day that something good is possible. Some days it's harder than usual and i succumb to the tornado. Yet i wake up and gather what is left of my hope that was shattered yesterday and piece it together. Just so I can move on in life. To collect the strength to remain & Be. To be something better and thus hopefully be part of the creation of something better.

The hardest part

The hard part is being away from you
The hard part is this restlessness within
The hard part is this craving to touch you
The hard part is still feeling you like a protective shield all around
The hard part is the memories running like movie reel
The hard part is not being able to see you
The hard part is seeing you in everything around
The hard part is stopping the tears of loneliness
The hard part is experiencing life without you around
The hard part is experiencing life only in you
The hard part is knowing you are my life
The hard part is the inability to show my intensity
The hard part is knowing there is no going back
The hard part is knowing there is no undo-ing this
The hard part is knowing you feel the same way and Me not being able to do anything.
The hard part is the gnawing feeling that says this is going to disappear.
The hardest part.....
is just too hard to express.

So close

I want to be so close to you
Like there is no beginning or end.

I want to be so close to you
I can feel your heart beating.

I want to be so close to you
That i wont know whether
Its's your heart that's beating or mine.

I want to be so close to you
our chests move together
as we breathe as one.

I want to be so close to you
that when you think, I do it
when I think, you do it.

I want to be so close to you,
there is no you and me.
There is just us.

I want to be so close to you
that there is not two
but One.

Dalliance with Surya

It all began that fateful day.. I had seen him for as long as my memory extends but that day was different. I really saw him then and it was a beautiful day for that. because it was a beginning of something quite un-quotidian.

Kept each other company for such a long time, like never before. we admired each other. felt each other. played hide and seek even like good old days. learnt from each other. well , cant speak for him but atleast i learnt. frolicking around, each trying to outdo the other and each succeeding or failing at one point or another.

in that melee, we touched our souls. spoke words and felt emotions no one else could hear or talk. like mother teresa said, it requires silence to touch souls. and so she was right. mine was going places and moving higher and higher..

enjoying each others' company. carefree of the world. no cares about what the world thought about this exclusive mutual admiration society.
he was stunning and grand and beautiful. even at his Zenith, in all his splendour, despite being painful to watch him, he was awesome.

Then came the Nadir... time for him to go. Contradictory as this may sound, i liked the way he looked when he was leaving. he was gentler somehow, trying to say he would miss me too while he was away at the other end of the world enchanting another. despite being hermetic, ours was quite open. there is always enough love to go around.

When the last of him was finally gone, i was left in darkness. But this darkness was also somehow beautiful. because i could feel his presence in his absence. he left, teaching me to appreciate the beauty and power and gentleness of everything around me, even in the darkness. his absence made me realise how overpowering yet spacious his presence was.

Look closer. what seems absent might actually be present and what is visible might not be what you are looking for.
Ah! Surya.. How he had left me with much food for thought and cud to chew upon until his return.
Return he will for sure. This i know. he is ubiquitous. You just have to take the first step sometimes. and you'll see.. he's there for you always... :)

Fantasies & Urgencies

*sigh*... this life is too short for all the things i want to do... My wish is to have multiple MEs.... so each one can go out and do one of the million things i want to do.... and then they all come back together and compile all their experiences into the main brain and then based on the analysis and decisions accordingly they split out again and embark on another journey in a squillion different directions...
Life is so short.. so many things to do.So many things i want to do. Such a chasm between what you want to do and what you need to do at a particular point in time, is there not?!

There is this constant sense of urgency. This constant feeling that i am running. hurrying and scurrying here and there, to and fro.But i am never satisfied with what i have accomplished. I do feel a sense of satisfaction when i finish something but i am always hurrying onto the next thing to do.. But is it wrong to have this insatiable feeling?
Drives me crazy sometimes...sometimes i feel i just cant keep pace with this insatiability.. and sometimes I just give up. In a way, it's good. It's like the pit stop where i rejuvenate myself. Stop running and smell the flowers. Then i get satiated with the feeling of 'doing nothing' so to speak and again am running hither and thither.... keeping pace with the Urgency.....

Psychic Prison

Stuck inside my head
Hearing only my voice
Dripping with anger and hatred
my real feelings
Vengeance. Fear. Violence.
Bubbling and simmering within
Threatening to overflow
from the emotional jacuzzi
that's gently massaging the negativity
Crooning with the scars.
painfully removing the scabs
that took an eternity to reach.
Re-opening the wounds
which having been forcefully pushed
to the very depths of my sub-conscious
thinking that
I'd ensured their return never.


All till you came along.
You.
You who have created
this box I am in .
Which i can't break out of.
This vicious cycle
of negativity and mental violence
that has me trapped.
This Psychic Prison
you'v created all for me
without any bars.
All with your emotional blackmail.
Misusing my trust in you
which is now replaced
with fear.
Fear, so strong
it has only now allowed
expression of the emotions.
Pent up over time.
Gushing out stronger than ever.
With intensity-impossible.
Bursting out in all directions.
In red, black and yellow.
And suddenly.
All too soon, I've mellowed.


Nothing left inside. Emptiness.
Tired of this pendulum.
Swinging within.
From one temple to the other.
To and fro.
Back and forth.


I sit blank.
Numb and dead.
Wish the anger
returned to rejuvenate.
To make me feel alive again.


See ,
How you have me chained?
Have me craving?
How you have carved
a dark,
Vile and Evil
niche for yourself
from where you watch me.
As I squirm and drown
in this quicksand
of rage.
A bottomless pit.
At the end of which
is my escape.
My Freedom.
From You.