In Between

Wind blowing through my hair
Earth damp beneath me
Grass tickling my toes
Sounds of leaves crumbling under me
The random creeper swishing past my ear
Walking through the troupe of dancing leaves
Telling me you're about to enter
Entire nature colluding
To send me the message
of the arrival of your affection.

Stomach in knots
Butterflies flapping wildly inside
breathing becomes difficult
tongue becomes too thick
fingers tremble and knees shiver
Eyes stare at a spot on the wall
hair straightens and shines
throat dries, thirsting it is.
brain stops rivetting
from image to image.
My body colludes now
Sending signals of
what he does to me.

And my heart.
is torn. Stretched to the limit.
And still has enough to bear it.
What to do, say or think?
What it feels is too convoluted
for the mind to comprehend.

The id, ego, superego
entangled so into one another
cant tell one from the other.
They cant sort this mess out.
Cant pull me from this bout
of
Complexity, confusion and chaos.

Deep down inside
I know what i want
Too scared to tell you.
Or him.
Fearing I'll lose both.
Heaving sighs all day
Aint getting me nowhere.
All becoming too much to bear.
wanting to run away somewhere.

Got everything to lose.
Everything to gain.
Ever been in such a spot?
Stuck between a hard place and a rock?

Pushing myself, towards
the path of bitter truth
that entails facing both head on.

Now my heart pounds
Sighs escape my mouth.
Eyes get stuck on a spot.
All the while thinking
Of what pain I cause.
What joy I am about to pause.
And slowly,
Another sigh escapes me.
Maybe it'll reach his ears.
And I'll know.
Or maybe, it too is stuck.
In Between.